Invisible Screams

I became interested in post-traumatic stress after finishing my MA. My own experiences growing up were much less severe than those who have suffered abuse or been involved in conflict, none the less it had a profound impact on my life.

PTSD can start after ANY traumatic event, where you are in danger, your life is threatened, or where you see other people dying or being injured. The condition was first recognised in war veterans and has been known by a variety of names, such as 'shell shock'. But it's not only diagnosed in soldiers – a wide range of traumatic experiences can cause PTSD. BUT on average it is 16 years between the trauma and seeking help. None of us like to talk about upsetting events and feelings.

  • We don't want to be thought of as weak or mentally unstable.
  • We may feel uncomfortable if we try to talk about gruesome or horrifying events.
  • People with PTSD often find it easier to talk about the other problems that go along with it - headache, sleep problems, irritability, depression, tension, substance abuse, family or work-related problems.

I think Art can help to break down some of these barriers. For the next 6 months I will be working with the Institute of Mental Health in Nottingham to create a series of paintings that bring to life all aspects of trauma response. This work will be exhibited from September 2018 at the IMH and then other locations in 2019. I will be working with accounts of trauma from a wide spectrum of sources; abuse, birth, accident and conflict etc. Some will be based on existing personal accounts from past therapy and some from talking directly with people to understand their experiences. 

My hope is that the exhibition of moving and thought-provoking depictions of what it is like to suffer and recover from mental health problems will raise awareness and consciousness of the issues surrounding trauma. Providing new insights into people’s experience of a wide range of types of suffering from birth trauma to war trauma. As well providing potentially positive therapeutic outcomes for those directly involved.


The Visitor

When I was 13 I entered a mental hospital for the first time to visit my father. He was suffering from his first major bout of mania, and about to start a life long dance with bipolar disorder and the cocktail of drugs that run alongside.

That is over 40 years ago, but I still remember the eerie feeling of walking through the corridors. A feeling of trepidation and unease mixed with something of the voyeur's gaze. The over ridding memory is of the unblinking stares that I received as I entered the day room.

I am seeking to capture something of that feeling in my next painting, a mashup of imagery - a day ward, 1970s wallpaper, and a happy family playing cards...

This is a detail from that painting



Twin Poles

My father developed bipolar disorder when I was about 12. At the time I never really understood how he felt, only the impact his behaviour had upon my mother and I guess myself. He lived with the disorder for thirty years dosed up on lithium and other products until he passed a few years ago. I have looked over my shoulder wondering if it was to be my destiny also, but so far, I seem to have avoided that fate. He never really talked about how it felt during the mania or depression. I’ve talked with a number of people who are bipolar, and I am starting to understand more about the euphoria of the mania as well as the sheer despair of the downs.

Art, music and poetry all have the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings that might be hard for people to express or understand. Over the past few months I have been exploring through my paintings how it feels to have bipolar disorder.

I am now looking to creating e a series of paintings based on people's direct experience of the ups and downs. I have set up a Facebook page where people can share a photograph, either of themselves or an image,  or a sentence, that encapsulates the feelings during the manic and the depressed phases of their bipolar phases. These will be used in two ways, firstly to create an installation made up of the actual words and images and secondly to inspire "two faceted" paintings that include the two aspects of the disorder.