Andy first painted Laura in 2019, inspired by her poem Let Me Feel

Let me feel poem by Laura

Let me feel.
Let me feel heart wrenching anguish,
and cascading despair,
because to this,
all my physical pain can’t compare.

Let me cry.
Let me sob uncontrollably,
like a scene from a play,
as I fantasise,
about the suffocating grasp of dismay.

Let me break.
Let me crumble to pieces,
let me slide to the floor,
as panicked hands pound,
against my barricaded door.

Let me fear.
Let me know how it feels,
to be desperately afraid,
remind me that hurt,
comes from more than a blade.

Get me help.
Replace my disconnecting numbness,
this emotional anaesthesia,
guide me away,
from my self-inflicted amnesia.

Let me care.
Let me go over it again in my mind,
let me indulge,
in the sorrows of the memories I find.

Let it hurt.
As I’m hypnotised by red tumbling drops,
let the pain reach a place,
where this hopelessness stops.

Let me rage.
As I fill up half-empty ouzo with water,
let me continue this quest,
of apparent self-slaughter.

Watch me.
As I creep across the cobbled border of
the gravelled drive,
seeking comfort,
from medicines far from prescribed.

Ask me.
Ask if the damage I’m causing,
is just a distraction,
in a world seemingly concerned,
with only my actions.

Let me speak.
Though my words to most considered
disfavour,
see that this runs deeper,
than adolescent behaviour.

Let me feel.
Let me feel that I wasn’t to blame,
can I connect to emotions,
that aren’t guilt or shame.

Read my diary;
‘I left my childhood there,
I want it back.
teddy bears,
nobody cares,
broken toys on the footpath.’

Let me feel.
As I lie still on this hospital bed,
wounded arms,
blankly starring,
at the textured ceiling above my head

Fragments

2019

Oil and acrylic on canvas, 120 x 90cm

Hear LAURA reading Let me feel