Alegria
Susana - 2019
Oil and acrylic on canvas
120 x 90cm
"My journey towards emergence began with small, almost imperceptible steps. It was in the quiet moments of self-reflection, and in the instances of kindness extended by others, that I found slivers of hope. I started to understand that the darkness wasn’t impenetrable, that there were paths leading out of the shadows.
This painting, vibrant and full of life, captures the essence of my transformation. My posture is open, and I’m surrounded by blooming flowers that symbolise growth and renewal. It is a testament to my transition from confinement to liberation and reflects the process of unlearning fear and embracing vulnerability—a transformation that required immense courage and patience.
As I began to confront and process my past, I learned to uncurl from my defensive stance. The more I allowed myself to open up, the more I discovered the strength within me. The vibrant colours of the painting are akin to the colours I started to see in my life—joy, connection, and self love.
Emergence, for me, is not just about breaking free from the chains of the past but also about stepping into the light of my own potential. It’s about recognising that my scars are a part of my story, but they do not define me.
In this emergence, I have found a new sense of self—a self that is resilient, open, and free. The journey is ongoing, but with each step, I continue to flourish, much like the flowers in the painting, supported by the stability of my newfound strength." Susana
Hear Susana talking about Being Seen at the Transformative Pathways event at the IMH, Nottingham November 2024
Susana had a difficult childhood in Spain. Growing up speaking her mind wasn’t always easy or safe. She would hide in her bedroom and escape into an imaginary world she could control. She learnt to supress many unexpressed thoughts, feelings and emotions that bubbled under the surface.
Whilst this enabled her to cope with day to-day reality, now as an adult she has come to realise that this coping mechanism was in fact the beginning of her sense of self slowly fading. She felt she was losing herself.
Finding a way to express herself creatively has been something that she has been striving to do her entire life. Through the years she has looked for different outlets that would allow her to find her voice - writing fiction, journaling, drawing, and painting, but it is through photography that she has found her outlet.
Alegria is based on one from a series of photographs that Susana took of herself, as she says: “They don’t follow a preconceived idea, aesthetic or script - they are simply the result of me stepping in front of the camera and moving on instinct… These spontaneous photographs are the first attempt at self-expression that I consider a personal success.
Although I didn’t know it at the time, by standing in front of a lens and removing my clothes and all distractions I was able to really look within - which then gave me the confidence me to gradually start showing others what I saw. To anyone feeling lost or struggling with who they are, try picking up a camera to explore the world around you. Talk to strangers and the people in your life, photograph them, point the camera at yourself.
Photography is a great equalizer, and you will probably find a bit of yourself in there. And, in time, the images that the camera reflects back to you will clearly and unequivocally show you what has been there all along”.
The painting is combined with a photograph taken at a funfair when Susana was about nine. She remembers this scene because it was from a brief period which was “the happiest in my life … I had a tonne of friends, was doing great at school, even had a ‘boyfriend’, and was generally a happy go lucky child … the word at the top reads Alegria - Joy in English”.
Emergence
Susana - 2024
Oil and acrylic on canvas, 90 x 120cm
